Entry Number 17: Emptiness

I was thinking this morning about how there is just so much emptiness in the lives of people in our everyday life.  Its hard to not be sad when I realized how everyone I know just about seems like they are just missing something in their lives.  I've even felt like that for a long time and have just recently been made aware of it and chose to do something about it.

I not only believe that hapiness is a choice but am living proof of that.  If a shy little Violet can accomplish what I have, late bloomer or not, anyone can.  One day I realized that it was up to me to make a decision of what I wanted out of life and how much longer I wanted to continue living in turmoil.

My answer?  No more.  We are not promised tomorrow.  Wit her her final breath, mom taught me yet another lesson.  So no more would I make excuses for my unhappiness.  No more would I wait for tomorrow to better myself and take hold of my life.  It has been slow, and it has been scary, but when I began to notice all the good that was coming my way by simply changing my attitude, how could I do anything but sieze the day?

I have never looked back.  I do not regret my past, for it has made me the person I am today, but even moreso, it motivates me to chase after what makes me happy.  I read that life is not about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself :)

One of my many goals, but possibly one of the most important, is to live a life I can be proud of.  And even though I'm not completely sure what all that means yet, I feel good.  Sometimes I do still feel lost, but I feel like I am going in the right direction.

I am learning to be my own rock, but sometimes it just feels so comforting to have someone to lean on.  Hugs go a long way.  Words can not do justice to describe what a hug can do.  I am thankful for the people I have in my life.  For the ones who have seen me at my worst, and loved me when I needed it the most.  For not letting me give up, and reminding me that I am not alone.  I will probably never be able to express my gratitude for what they may not even know they've done for me.  To be truthful, I don't know if I could ever articulate the good they have brought to my life if I spent the rest of my life trying to. 

My hope is to be there for others the way they have been for me.  The emptiness may never completely vacate my soul, but I will never stop chasing my happiness, and neither should they.

Mood:  Blessed
Listening to:  Audioslave - Live