I've been kind of rattled by something that was said to me the other day. Tonight, on the way to my Little Sister's, I replayed it, and it brought back the sting of being slapped in the face. A memory of a time that I hadn't thought of in ages. That is, until recently. How funny that such a precise statement would be made within such close proximity to my pondering of these events. But then, I always have had a thing for coincidences..
At the time of the statement, I was so taken aback that I was sure I wore it all over my face! My Companion was polite enough to not react, but I'm sure she felt it. I feel dishonest for not piping up and saying something instead of looking like a deer in the headlights.. It was about not being able to relate to something, and I could.. I never talk about it. It can't be undone. It makes me weak, and broken, and it is a part of my past I have wished would disappear.
I know the lessons we learn are what put value to the mistakes we make. We will continue to make the same mistakes until we learn from them. This is definitely a lesson I learned the first time around. Rarely do I feel the familiar pull to fall back into those chains. Yet that is a place I dare not let my mind go.
The truth of not judging others as we do not know what path they have journeyed was a firm reminder in the sting felt in my cheek along with the long ago buried shame. Like most everyone else, I do not want to be judged by my past. By the mistakes that taught me some of life's most valuable lessons. For the chances I was given to over come my weaknesses and to grow into the person I am still getting to know today.
And though the road may be rough, and the lessons hard, I know that my character will always be tested when my back is against the wall, and I have no one to depend on but me. And when those situations arise, I want to be proud of the decisions I make, and the woman I have become.
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