Entry Number 26: Reason 14 Why I Love Her

I was laying in bed last night, thoughts racing, when I felt the familiar rise of panic creeping up on me.  As my breathing became rapid, I began to wonder what was causing the fear that was suddenly closing in on me; threatening to overcome the peace I had felt only moments ago.  In that instant I realized there was no point in wondering why or where it was coming from.  Instead I chose to think of something good, and my thoughts refocused on the warm embrace of Her arms.  

As though She could hear my thoughts, She began to rub my shoulders; increasing in pressure as if to say "I'm here," and "Everything is going to be okay."  I have never felt as in sync with someone as I have with Her.  Our non-verbal communication continues to astound me.  It is uncanny how She can not only sense the slightest shift in my mood sometimes, but also ascertain what I need before even I can.

I've always believed that we accept the love we think we deserve, and have only recently been able to apply that to my previous partners.  It has been nothing short of eye opening to contemplate how I have viewed my own self worth; the value, or lack there of, that I have become accustom to seeing.  I don't know how I became lucky enough to deserve Her love, but not a day goes by that I don't feel grateful to have met Her.

Surely, She must see something in me that I can't, because I feel a little less broken when she holds my gaze.  I know I will never be able to see myself as others can, but I know I'm on the right track to having a much healthier self image.

In even the most simplistic of ways, She has helped me to let go and move on from events that have plagued me since childhood.  No longer do I feel like I am fighting an uphill battle for my sanity.  Somehow I have found someone who is helping me unpack my baggage rather than carry it.  The progress I have made both on my own and with Her help has been monumental.

I love Her because She makes me feel like everything is going to be okay.
Because She makes me feel safe.
Because She takes my breath away, makes my heart skip and my knees weak.
Because She gives me butterflies.
Its how She looks at me.
How She touches me, and runs Her fingers through my hair.
The way She kisses my forehead and holds my hand.
For all the things She makes me feel that I will never be able to put into words.
I love Her because She loves me for me.  The me that no one else can see.

It gives me hope that She can see potential in me.  That She doesn't think of me as the lost cause I so often thought I was.

Knowing Her has shown me that perseverance pays off, and that happiness has always been within my reach.

Entry Number 25: Misery Loves Company

Today my heart is heavy.  Plagued by keeping a truth that wasn't mine to tell, I buckled and divulged knowledge that wasn't mine to share.  As the saying goes, misery loves company, and mine has been multiplied by the grief I have caused my confident.  Shamed in my weakness and the dishonesty I felt by keeping it to myself, my heart aches from the pain I was unwilling to shoulder alone.

My fear is that no good will come from what I've told.  And instead of feeling better for getting it off my chest, I am ailed by my worry.  Has my keen ability to be blunt as a spoon once again caused me to do no more than put my foot in my mouth?  I've known from the beginning that this was not my problem to fix, and yet the guilt of keeping it a secret compelled me to set the truth free.  But now I know for sure that the chances of something good coming from this is next to none.  Why I ever thought that bringing light to this would do any good, I don't know.

I thought by coming clean my conscience would be at peace, but instead I feel that I have only aided to further complicate a situation I should not have involved myself in.  Oh, but don't you understand why I could no longer keep this secret?  How it has slowly been chipping away to break free from the neat little box I tried so hard to keep it hidden in?  Maybe this is only my selfishness talking; trying to convince myself that telling was the right thing to do..

It is in my nature to be honest.  My conscience has never truly let me hide in the shadows of deceit for long.  My mind will be all but consumed by any dishonesty until set right, but I never truly mean to hurt anyone.  In my heart I feel that I did the right thing, and yet the burden of that knowledge has now been replaced by a subtle but growing panic that I've made a huge mistake. 

 

Note Number Six: Empath 101 (Interesting Read)

Empath 101

Dreamtongue - The Empathic Language

What is an Empath?

To get straight to the point: Empath is a form of identity emerging in the twenty-first century. The term has been used in literature and in film, but the reality is that there are ever increasing numbers of people who identify with the Empath concept.

An Empath is a person who was born with unique variations in the central nervous system. This means how the brain is configured and how the nervous system works in the body. This has not yet been studied and quantified by science. Instead it is being brought forth by individuals who are becoming self-aware of these qualities and who explore this experience through creative and intuitive outlets.

A high degree of overall sensitivity is the general indicator for this type of person. All of the sensory organs of an Empath have low thresholds thereby resulting in unusual sensitivity to light, smell, and sound (as well as other subtler senses). Although underlying sensitivity is the unifying factor behind all Empaths, how this sensitivity is "managed" or "funneled" varies from person to person.

An Empath also possesses a very sensitive emotional nature, that is typically difficult to self-manage. Books have been written on "highly sensitive people" and those materials are relevant to this topic. However, being highly sensitive is only one part of the formula for Empaths.

As a result of the interaction between an extremely sensitive neural network and the concurrent emotional nature of a person with this profile, Empaths are highly intuitive. The word intuition needs to be better understood when used in communications but I will save that for a later article.

A better understanding of intuition leads to a better understanding of what actually constitutes an Empath. For now, I only want to say that Empaths are highly intuitive which means they tend to do things by feeling, by sensing, by reacting to proprioceptive queues, and by following "hunches, gut-feelings," etc. This includes critical decision making, reacting, and acting upon influences in their own lives predominately from intuitive queues.  This process can lead to better or worse results depending upon the development of the Empath.

Empaths are driven by their own intuitive natures. This can be for good or bad. There is no virtue implied in the term "Empath." After nine years of studying Empaths online, and thirty in general,  I have found that the majority who step forward suffer from some form of mental distress or disorder. This does not mean that the majority of Empaths suffer from mental "illness", instead it implies that the majority of Empaths encountered in my research profess to some sort of "struggle" with their own uniqueness.  Since my training is in mental health counseling, I found this to be fascinating and made this area a special part of my research.  My model does not supplant the medical model of mental illness but does suggest that "excess wiring" (so to speak) and "diverse thresholds" may require other interventions beyond medical treatment.  I firmly believe in adhering to the standards we have established in all medical and psychological fields of science.  Yet this belief does not          inhibit my desire to explore and discover through, what I call, the "panheuristic" process.  Ask me about the panheuristic process in my Yahoo Empaths group.

Empaths are driven by deep intuitive connections that are largely unconscious, as if sitting on top of a vast oil reserve in the ground and being a conduit (oil well) for this massive amount of energy. Most of what an Empath senses or "knows" cannot be verified immediately which creates a terrible psychic conflict for the person. The over abundance of real and imagined stimuli are frequently overwhelming. Sorting out the two is even more so.  That is why I am a major advocate of structured training!

Imagine having vast amounts of information floating around in your head but no direct way to access it or express No way to sort it out or use it in any clearly defined way. Most of what it is cannot be proven immediately but does get proven over time. (I am skipping over a great deal of points here, just to make a point).

The stress of taking in the emotions of other people, of sensing information on a continual basis, of being a "human sponge", of being driven by deep inner forces that are not understood, all create a "torture chamber" of sorts within the average Empath. This does not have to be as melodramatic as I make it sound, but please understand - it frequently is for the subject.

I refer to this state in the Book of Storms as the "unbonded" Empath. Before figuring out who you are, you must figure out what you are, and reconcile the two. It's called the Book of STORMS for a reason!  Learning about your internal storms, the nature of "storms", and how to "manage your own inner weather" are all par for the course.  Empaths identify with many forms of nature and frequently feel affinity towards storms.  Obviously, it is a powerful personal smbol for me.  I have always felt "connected" to storms.   As a metaphor, storms offer an unending supply of creative insight.

Many Empaths suffer from anxiety due to an overload of incoming stimuli and intuitive information. Some suffer from depression due to being overwhelmed with all the "storms" going on inside. It is not uncommon for an Empath to tell me that he or she has been diagnosed as "bipolar/manic-depressive." Now, that does not mean that          if you were diagnosed as bipolar that you are automatically an Empath - it just means there is a possibility that we are quick to put medical labels on things without fully investigating them.

The interesting questions that arise are: Are Empaths more susceptible to mental illness? OR Is the mental illness/distress the result of being an unbonded Empath? Which comes first? This research still goes on.  I have met plenty of well adjusted Empaths - yet will still find that they seek some sort of comfort somewhere, either in mild medication or counseling, something to soothe those internal storms.

The professional fields of Psychology & Psychiatry do not yet recognize these factors and continue to leave all the issues "clumped" together, undifferentiated. I originally planned this work for a doctoral thesis but will not be pursuing that in this lifetime now. Instead, I am putting it into a user friendly format in hope that an emerging self-awareness among Empaths will take place, creating a positive wave of change for the planet. Anytime the "collective mind" of the human race can change towards the better and grow, good can happen on new scales.  Yes, I am an idealist. We frequently are.

Now, for a more popular explanation! An Empath is a type of "psychic", but instead of reading the "future" or viewing remote objects, the Empath specializes in reading people. I only mention all this because there is now a huge overlap/confusion          between the two words. The "free for all" mentality of the new age movement seized upon the Empath term after we flooded it on the internet, so everyone , everywhere threw in what they had or knew to the concept. I suggest using the word Empath as a hybrid form of psychic, more of a realistic/grounded version of our potential for extra sensory perception.  An Empath is sensitive to the visible as well as the invisible. An Empath reads  body language,  tone of voice, body movements, the words people choose when they speak, the words they avoid, the logic they use; and the hidden things that only an Empath can sense inside another person. A fully developed Empath reads on what could be considered a 360 degree scope. I have this entire 360 scope mapped out in great detail in a teaching model I call the PHI Model of Consciousness or P.H.I.  P.H.I. stands for "panheuristic intelligence" which is ultimately what I am advocating.  My research has been inspired by the work of Dr. Timothy Leary and the many brilliant souls who elaborated on his work.  It is also inspired by the profound teachings of the Buddha, from the very core and heart of what I believe the Dharma to be.

Empaths are extremely powerful people. In the next article I will tell you what I mean by that and introduce the first course. The first course is very basic. Yes, I know - you could be very advanced and beyond all that, but start the first course in Empath 101: "Dreamtongue" starting with the basics. That way, by the time you get to the advanced stuff - you will excel and feel wonderful about your growth!

Dreamtongue is a course in empathic communication and is the pre-requisite for all classes to follow. To benefit from the course start with the introduction and then work with each lesson separately and in order. You can work at your own pace. Some people will be ahead of you, some will be behind, and others will be starting just after you.

Work at your own pace. Post questions as needed and share your experiences with the materials inside the Yahoo group. Do not be concerned with others being ahead of you or of feeling that you are too far behind. Just work in your own timeframe and you will be fine. This process has been tested over the years by many people.

http://mysilentecho.com/dreamtongue1.htm

Entry Number 24: Patience for the Unenlightened

Yesterday was the first time I felt any negativity towards my choice to be openly gay.  We met a friend for lunch and were waiting in line to pay when I noticed one of the employees glaring in my direction.  I tried to ignore it, hoping he was looking at someone else or possibly just frustrated with his current task; but he didn't look away.  In fact, after a couple of minutes, he had a friend with him who was also casting hateful looks in my direction.

At first, it did hurt a little, but those feelings were quickly replaced by anger.  I wanted to yell at him, or flip him the bird, or at least give a dirty look back.  But in the end, I decided he wasn't worth it.  Those few fleeting moment of hurt and then anger lasted only long enough to remind me to look at the bigger picture.  The LGBT community has fought so long for tolerance; equality.  Who am I to treat anyone in a way other than how I would want to be treated?  Why even let myself become upset by the ignorance of others?  And then what I realized was that I felt sorry for the employee.  Sorry that he wasn't brought up being taught the golden rule and to love one another.  Sorry that he is closed minded and unable to share in the happiness I feel and the joy I have come to know by living openly.

It is humbling to again have it brought to my attention how naive I can be.  As much as I want to believe that everyone has the potential to be good at heart, that just isn't so.  And that's not to say this guy isn't a good person, but that I can't expect everyone to see things the way I do and to be willing to give people a chance.  Definitely leaves more to think about...

Entry Number 23: Growth is Progress

I've been reminded several times this week that I am still struggling to make peace with my sexuality.  I don't want to ignore the conflict, but sometimes it is easy to forget while being swept away in a whirlwind of joyous emotion.

I am finally creating my own happiness, and image that; I still manage to find a way to feel bad about it.  My true pessimistic self can stay hidden for only so long..  It makes no more sense than any of my other irrational thoughts, and somehow I'm determined to dissect it.  I think it is important to know why I am feeling bad about it so that I can completely let it go.

Its like trying to convince myself I'm okay when I know I'm not.  Justification in the worst possible form..  Self mutilation of a different brand.  Creating inner turmoil instead of promoting peace.  Its the ever fleeting zen that I'm afraid to lose if I spend too much time "feeling bad."  I hate carrying the burden of guilt imposed by a false prophet.  He continues to haunt me from not only his grave, but that of my Mothers.  Her will broken, her hand forced, and the lingering damage inflicted under the guise of protection rage in battle at the cost of my sanity.

Still waters may run deep, but a pebble dropped in a puddle will still send ripples to the edges.  Even the smallest disturbances threaten to destroy my peace some days.  But inside I'm a fighter.  My stubbornness refuses to let me give up.  I've worked too hard to get where I am to let anyone else take my happiness from me.  I am finally (finally!) learning to love me.  Feeling good about who I am, instead of being weak, broken, crazy, damned, what I am.  Is it selfish to not want to give that up?  Not selfish, but weak..  I cannot continue to grow until I let this go.

No one ever said growing is easy, and if they did, they lied!  Its not that I'm afraid of the pain I'm sure to feel, I'm just not prepared for the mental exhaustion.  The seclusion and darkness that comes with bringing light to the past.  Reliving the way the emotion felt all over again.  But the understanding gained will only help me to let it go and move on for good.  This just isn't one of those things I can let go without processing first.  Oh how I wish it was, but wishing will get me no where.  Nothing in this life is free, and those that are worth the most often take the most toll or energy to not only gain, but keep.

Happiness is worth the chase.  Peace is worth fighting for.  Exhaustion is worth the toll.  The preparation has begun.  Jumping in with both feet does not mean stopping when it gets hard; it means preserving when strength is all but gone, and doing what is right, not easy.  In the end, all we have is our integrity, and hopefully the story of a beautiful and full life lived.  That is what I want, and that is the dream I choose.

Entry Number 22: Let the Healing Begin

I've become weary in both my body and mind.  Its taken me almost a week to recover from my last migraine; the second so far this year.   I realized today that my most recent stress has been brought on from once again worrying about things I cannot change.  Kept bottled inside, old habits of avoidance and walls creeping back in without even noticing it.  Placid on the outside, a mask of protection that feels all too familiar.  Its comforting, yet detrimental to my growth, and something that I can see only as a step in the wrong direction.

It is something that I can now make a concious  effort to control and must make the attempt to conquer. I think I've always felt old, but not old enough to worry as much as I do.

Today is Mom's birthday.  I do not feel sad.  The days of focusing my thoughts on her in attempts to force acceptance are long gone.  My soul once again returning to the emotional void and comfortably numb when her face enters my thoughts.

I have become more and more aware of unhealthy behaviors that I have control over, and the ability I have to change them.  Naturally, my instinct is resistance to change, and the physical manifestations are evident..  How strange that I can be so resistant to change and yet crave it like an adrenaline rush?  As are many things, just another paradox to ponder.  My Mentor has said, let the healing begin, and I have.  What joy I find in that simple wisdom.  Let the healing begin.

What a monumental day to commit to letting her go.  I've been dancing around it for years, and I am ready to let the healing begin.  I'm so ready to lay this burden down, and I know it will not be easy, but the time is now.  We are not promised tomorrow, and I know she wouldn't want me to spend anymore time being haunted by my fears.  Above all else, she loved me; unwaveringly, unconditionally.  That is what I miss most about her.  That is what I felt when she wrapped me in her arms.  It is an unparalleled sensation that touched me to my core.  One that I will never forget, and can never be reproduced.  And I miss her sorely...

Those are the memories I choose to remember.  My inner pessimist be damned.  I choose happiness.

Note Number Five: INFJ

Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging 

by Joe Butt
Profile: INFJ
Revision: 3.1
Date of Revision: 8 Aug 2010

Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists -- INFJs gravitate toward such a role -- are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.

INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ.

"There's something rotten in Denmark." Accurately suspicious about others' motives, INFJs are not easily led. These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time. Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.

INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.

Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche.

Introverted iNtuiting Feeling Judging
by Marina Margaret Heiss

INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.

INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.

Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).

This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.

Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic", and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* -- the dominant function for the INFJ type -- which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.

In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.

Functional Analysis:

Introverted iNtuition
Introverted intuitives, INFJs enjoy a greater clarity of perception of inner, unconscious processes than all but their INTJ cousins. Just as SP types commune with the object and "live in the here and now" of the physical world, INFJs readily grasp the hidden psychological stimuli behind the more observable dynamics of behavior and affect. Their amazing ability to deduce the inner workings of the mind, will and emotions of others gives INFJs their reputation as prophets and seers. Unlike the confining, routinizing nature of introverted sensing, introverted intuition frees this type to act insightfully and spontaneously as unique solutions arise on an event by event basis.

Extraverted Feeling
Extraverted feeling, the auxiliary deciding function, expresses a range of emotion and opinions of, for and about people. INFJs, like many other FJ types, find themselves caught between the desire to express their wealth of feelings and moral conclusions about the actions and attitudes of others, and the awareness of the consequences of unbridled candor. Some vent the attending emotions in private, to trusted allies. Such confidants are chosen with care, for INFJs are well aware of the treachery that can reside in the hearts of mortals. This particular combination of introverted intuition and extraverted feeling provides INFJs with the raw material from which perceptive counselors are shaped.

Introverted Thinking
The INFJ's thinking is introverted, turned toward the subject. Perhaps it is when the INFJ's thinking function is operative that he is most aloof. A comrade might surmise that such detachment signals a disillusionment, that she has also been found lacking by the sardonic eye of this one who plumbs the depths of the human spirit. Experience suggests that such distancing is merely an indication that the seer is hard at work and focusing energy into this less efficient tertiary function.

Extraverted Sensing
INFJs are twice blessed with clarity of vision, both internal and external. Just as they possess inner vision which is drawn to the forms of the unconscious, they also have external sensing perception which readily takes hold of worldly objects. Sensing, however, is the weakest of the INFJ's arsenal and the most vulnerable. INFJs, like their fellow intuitives, may be so absorbed in intuitive perceiving that they become oblivious to physical reality. The INFJ under stress may fall prey to various forms of immediate gratification. Awareness of extraverted sensing is probably the source of the "SP wannabe" side of INFJs. Many yearn to live spontaneously; it's not uncommon for INFJ actors to take on an SP (often ESTP) role.

Copyright © 1996-2013 by Marina Margaret Heiss and Joe Butt
If you are an INFJ, you may subscribe to any of the following:
the INFJ List at INFJ.org
Jen's INFJ List
INFJ-List
INFJ Forum
Chat with fellow INFJs at the INFJ forum by PersonalityCafe. 
Career Development for INFJs 
Jung Typology for the Workplace (Pre-employment testing and team building resources for your organization) 

Type Relationships for INFJs:
Identity
Pal
Complement
Contrast Supplement
Anima
Suitemate
Cohort Companion
Tribesman
Advisor
Pedagogue Enigma
Novelty
Neighbor
Counterpart

http://typelogic.com/infj.html

Note Number Four: INTJ

Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging 
by Marina Margaret Heiss

Profile: INTJ

Revision: 3.1

Date of Revision: 17 Oct 2009

To outsiders, INTJs may appear to project an aura of "definiteness", of self-confidence. This self-confidence, sometimes mistaken for simple arrogance by the less decisive, is actually of a very specific rather than a general nature; its source lies in the specialized knowledge systems that most INTJs start building at an early age. When it comes to their own areas of expertise -- and INTJs can have several -- they will be able to tell you almost immediately whether or not they can help you, and if so, how. INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know.

INTJs are perfectionists, with a seemingly endless capacity for improving upon anything that takes their interest. What prevents them from becoming chronically bogged down in this pursuit of perfection is the pragmatism so characteristic of the type: INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake.

INTJs are known as the "Systems Builders" of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability. Whatever system an INTJ happens to be working on is for them the equivalent of a moral cause to an INFJ; both perfectionism and disregard for authority may come into play, as INTJs can be unsparing of both themselves and the others on the project. Anyone considered to be "slacking," including superiors, will lose their respect -- and will generally be made aware of this; INTJs have also been known to take it upon themselves to implement critical decisions without consulting their supervisors or co-workers. On the other hand, they do tend to be scrupulous and even-handed about recognizing the individual contributions that have gone into a project, and have a gift for seizing opportunities which others might not even notice.

In the broadest terms, what INTJs "do" tends to be what they "know". Typical INTJ career choices are in the sciences and engineering, but they can be found wherever a combination of intellect and incisiveness are required (e.g., law, some areas of academia). INTJs can rise to management positions when they are willing to invest time in marketing their abilities as well as enhancing them, and (whether for the sake of ambition or the desire for privacy) many also find it useful to learn to simulate some degree of surface conformism in order to mask their inherent unconventionality.

Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations.

This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. :-) This sometimes results in a peculiar naivete', paralleling that of many Fs -- only instead of expecting inexhaustible affection and empathy from a romantic relationship, the INTJ will expect inexhaustible reasonability and directness.

Probably the strongest INTJ assets in the interpersonal area are their intuitive abilities and their willingness to "work at" a relationship. Although as Ts they do not always have the kind of natural empathy that many Fs do, the Intuitive function can often act as a good substitute by synthesizing the probable meanings behind such things as tone of voice, turn of phrase, and facial expression. This ability can then be honed and directed by consistent, repeated efforts to understand and support those they care about, and those relationships which ultimately do become established with an INTJ tend to be characterized by their robustness, stability, and good communications.

Functional Analysis

by Joe Butt

Introverted iNtuition

INTJs are idea people. Anything is possible; everything is negotiable. Whatever the outer circumstances, INTJs are ever perceiving inner pattern-forms and using real-world materials to operationalize them. Others may see what is and wonder why; INTJs see what might be and say "Why not?!" Paradoxes, antinomies, and other contradictory phenomena aptly express these intuitors' amusement at those whom they feel may be taking a particular view of reality too seriously. INTJs enjoy developing unique solutions to complex problems.

Extraverted Thinking

Thinking in this auxiliary role is a workhorse. Closure is the payoff for efforts expended. Evaluation begs diagnosis; product drives process. As they come to light, Thinking tends, protects, affirms and directs iNtuition's offspring, fully equipping them for fulfilling and useful lives. A faithful pedagogue, Thinking argues not so much on its own behalf, but in defense of its charges. And through this process these impressionable ideas take on the likeness of their master.

Introverted Feeling

Feeling has a modest inner room, two doors down from the Most Imminent iNtuition. It doesn't get out much, but lends its influence on behalf of causes which are Good and Worthy and Humane. We may catch a glimpse of it in the unspoken attitude of good will, or the gracious smile or nod. Some question the existence of Feeling in this type, yet its unseen balance to Thinking is a cardinal dimension in the full measure of the INTJ's soul.

Extraverted Sensing

Sensing serves with a good will, or not at all. As other inferior functions, it has only a rudimentary awareness of context, amount or degree. Thus INTJs sweat the details or, at times, omit them. "I've made up my mind, don't confuse me with the facts" could well have been said by an INTJ on a mission. Sensing's extraverted attitude is evident in this type's bent to savor sensations rather than to merely categorize them. Indiscretions of indulgence are likely an expression of the unconscious vengeance of the inferior.


Type Relationships for INTJs:
Identity
Pal
Complement
Contrast Supplement
Anima
Suitemate
Cohort Companion
Tribesman
Advisor
Pedagogue Enigma
Novelty
Neighbor
Counterpart

http://typelogic.com/intj.html

Entry Number 21: Digging Up Old Graves

I've been kind of rattled by something that was said to me the other day.  Tonight, on the way to my Little Sister's, I replayed it, and it brought back the sting of being slapped in the face.  A memory of a time that I hadn't thought of in ages.  That is, until recently.  How funny that such a precise statement would be made within such close proximity to my pondering of these events.  But then, I always have had a thing for coincidences..

At the time of the statement, I was so taken aback that I was sure I wore it all over my face!  My Companion was polite enough to not react, but I'm sure she felt it.  I feel dishonest for not piping up and saying something instead of looking like a deer in the headlights..  It was about not being able to relate to something, and I could..  I never talk about it.  It can't be undone.  It makes me weak, and broken, and it is a part of my past I have wished would disappear.

I know the lessons we learn are what put value to the mistakes we make.  We will continue to make the same mistakes until we learn from them.  This is definitely a lesson I learned the first time around.  Rarely do I feel the familiar pull to fall back into those chains.  Yet that is a place I dare not let my mind go.

The truth of not judging others as we do not know what path they have journeyed was a firm reminder in the sting felt in my cheek along with the long ago buried shame.  Like most everyone else, I do not want to be judged by my past.  By the mistakes that taught me some of life's most valuable lessons.  For the chances I was given to over come my weaknesses and to grow into the person I am still getting to know today.

And though the road may be rough, and the lessons hard, I know that my character will always be tested when my back is against the wall, and I have no one to depend on but me.  And when those situations arise, I want to be proud of the decisions I make, and the woman I have become.

Entry Number 20: Reprobate

The last few days have felt long.  I have been overly tired physically, and exhausted mentally.  I'm not quite sure I realized that was what I'd been feeling until today, but I'm sure now.  I've pictured me retreating to hide behind the wall I'd once built around me.  A shield not only for my heart, but my mind.  To block everyone out and keep it all bottled inside.

How funny to think I could so easily return to such behavior when I know how far I've come.  And yet I still feel like the shy little Violet I've always known myself to be...

In the quest of creating my own happiness, I must not forget to manage my stress along the way.  How much easier it would be to just sweep it under the rug as so many years have taught.  But I know that's only a bandaid on an wound that needs stitches.  I know all too well what happens when you continue to shake a bottle with the warning, "contents under pressure."

Rearranging furniture has become the bandaid to the day to day stress that is beginning to accumulate.  And yet I feel happy.  All except that little nagging in the back of my mind that reminds me there are things yet to be settled.  I am conflicted as I want to focus on the positive and not allow my worries to slow me down.

Sometimes I want so badly not to worry about what others think.  To throw caution to the wind and just let loose.  To be honest, I'm not even sure what letting loose would look like.  I just know that it would mean not worrying about pleasing everyone else.  Old habits die hard.  I guess that really is true.

I feel like this is starting to turn into a pity party which was not my intent.  It feels good to get it out, but also serves as a reminder that I have yet to deal with the cause of my stress.  Covering it up with temporary appeasements will fix nothing in the long run.

And I feel like I have brought this on myself.  After indulging, I had the nerve to ask what if it wasn't just a phase, and is it a choice?  I was ill prepared for the answer of the second question, and hadn't truly considered the question before it left my lips.  I was not necessarily shocked by the answer I received, but more so by how unprepared I was to hear it.  It definitely gave me a new perspective on how I am being viewed.  And even more, made me feel utterly alone.  It felt icy cold, like a frost passing through my soul, cutting to the quick.  Something I hope to never feel again.

It's a strange feeling of unease that I've not experienced around my Dad in a long time.  It is as unwelcome as it is frightening.  And though I doubt she would have taken it any better, it makes me miss my Mom.

I wish I could just continue to bathe in the peace I feel when I am with Her.  The loving embrace of safety that reminds me that I am not alone and lets me forget the judging eyes that stir up lost memories of shame.

I have been deep in thought this week as I have pondered a few of the greater thoughts rushing down my stream.  A night in with my mentor proved to be as thought provoking as always, along with my unease over conversations with my Dad have kept my emotions running intensely.

And as I stop here, my wish is simple; to be wrapped in the sweet embrace of slumber.  To drift off to a place of tranquility for a tired soul, and to awake revived with the joyous spark to life that I have come to relish with the dawn of a new day!

Until my words again flow freely from my mind, or as they are written in heart, goodnight.