Entry Number 25: Misery Loves Company

Today my heart is heavy.  Plagued by keeping a truth that wasn't mine to tell, I buckled and divulged knowledge that wasn't mine to share.  As the saying goes, misery loves company, and mine has been multiplied by the grief I have caused my confident.  Shamed in my weakness and the dishonesty I felt by keeping it to myself, my heart aches from the pain I was unwilling to shoulder alone.

My fear is that no good will come from what I've told.  And instead of feeling better for getting it off my chest, I am ailed by my worry.  Has my keen ability to be blunt as a spoon once again caused me to do no more than put my foot in my mouth?  I've known from the beginning that this was not my problem to fix, and yet the guilt of keeping it a secret compelled me to set the truth free.  But now I know for sure that the chances of something good coming from this is next to none.  Why I ever thought that bringing light to this would do any good, I don't know.

I thought by coming clean my conscience would be at peace, but instead I feel that I have only aided to further complicate a situation I should not have involved myself in.  Oh, but don't you understand why I could no longer keep this secret?  How it has slowly been chipping away to break free from the neat little box I tried so hard to keep it hidden in?  Maybe this is only my selfishness talking; trying to convince myself that telling was the right thing to do..

It is in my nature to be honest.  My conscience has never truly let me hide in the shadows of deceit for long.  My mind will be all but consumed by any dishonesty until set right, but I never truly mean to hurt anyone.  In my heart I feel that I did the right thing, and yet the burden of that knowledge has now been replaced by a subtle but growing panic that I've made a huge mistake.