Entry Number 30: A Homework Assignment

What started out as a homework assignment to organize my chores and grocery list, ended up with thoughts spilling out of my head and onto the white board.  Here is a sequential product of my ramblings:

"Coming out has probably been the biggest blocking block I have overcome in the mountain climb I feel against my anxiety.

You are right in the middle of my beautiful mess.  You have been part of my break through.  I love you so much more, and will love you all of my days because of that.  

You inspire me to change.  To be a better person.  To grow.  I love you because I respect you, and I admire you.  Because I am not afraid when I am with you.  

I found my center last October.  I balanced on my own.  I found my inner peace.  The moments of complete calm I have had since, have given rise to new meaning.  I know what it is to be happy, and know in my heart that it is possible.  I know happiness can be a reality.  I accept that.  

The joy I feel when I am with You is all the sweeter because I have finally learned to make myself happy.

Still, a continued battle, but a truth I have seen with my eyes and felt in my soul.  A year ago I felt a drive burn hot with new will to live, not just exist.  I was blessed for being brave.  For choosing to own my happiness.

scatter brained

shambolic

channeled

distracted

focused

lost

melancholy"

A little rough around the edges, but honest.  God, I miss indulging..  I miss the clarity.