I was laying in bed last night, thoughts racing, when I felt the familiar rise of panic creeping up on me. As my breathing became rapid, I began to wonder what was causing the fear that was suddenly closing in on me; threatening to overcome the peace I had felt only moments ago. In that instant I realized there was no point in wondering why or where it was coming from. Instead I chose to think of something good, and my thoughts refocused on the warm embrace of Her arms.
As though She could hear my thoughts, She began to rub my shoulders; increasing in pressure as if to say "I'm here," and "Everything is going to be okay." I have never felt as in sync with someone as I have with Her. Our non-verbal communication continues to astound me. It is uncanny how She can not only sense the slightest shift in my mood sometimes, but also ascertain what I need before even I can.
I've always believed that we accept the love we think we deserve, and have only recently been able to apply that to my previous partners. It has been nothing short of eye opening to contemplate how I have viewed my own self worth; the value, or lack there of, that I have become accustom to seeing. I don't know how I became lucky enough to deserve Her love, but not a day goes by that I don't feel grateful to have met Her.
Surely, She must see something in me that I can't, because I feel a little less broken when she holds my gaze. I know I will never be able to see myself as others can, but I know I'm on the right track to having a much healthier self image.
In even the most simplistic of ways, She has helped me to let go and move on from events that have plagued me since childhood. No longer do I feel like I am fighting an uphill battle for my sanity. Somehow I have found someone who is helping me unpack my baggage rather than carry it. The progress I have made both on my own and with Her help has been monumental.
I love Her because She makes me feel like everything is going to be okay.
Because She makes me feel safe.
Because She takes my breath away, makes my heart skip and my knees weak.
Because She gives me butterflies.
Its how She looks at me.
How She touches me, and runs Her fingers through my hair.
The way She kisses my forehead and holds my hand.
For all the things She makes me feel that I will never be able to put into words.
I love Her because She loves me for me. The me that no one else can see.
It gives me hope that She can see potential in me. That She doesn't think of me as the lost cause I so often thought I was.
Knowing Her has shown me that perseverance pays off, and that happiness has always been within my reach.
